||[Mar. 21st, 2008|12:07 am]
You know how they say that dreams have no hope of becoming reality unless they are voiced to others? Well, at least I *think* they say that. |
DH and I were talking seriously tonight about what happens if our last ditch baby making effort fails. More and more I've been thinking about how I took the job as a hairstylist because it was enjoyable but, mostly, because it would be the perfect job for a Mom. Flexible, part time, and well paying even for relatively few hours. I find it somewhat unsatisfying on some level, though. It lacks intellectual stimulation and it lacks a certain.....I don't know. Something about how it feels a bit superficial.
Before any hairstylists reading this get their bobby pins in a twist, I don't mean to say that it isn't an important job. We all feel good when we look fabulous. But, I just don't feel that deep sense of fulfillment. For me, I would have gotten that sense from being a mother. So, I wouldn't need it at work and I would have the perfect setup.
But, without motherhood, what would my life be, really? I have to really think about that and what type of life I want to lead and who I want to be apart from all of this infertility treatment.
So, I've decided (or, we've decided) that if I am not to be a mother, I'd like to be another type of caregiver- a nurse.
I have always had a love of the medical field and, in fact, began college with the intention of being pre-med. It doesn't really bear repeating the story of why I didn't end up there. Also, I daresay I have a flair for it.
I remember the nurses who have been so kind and caring to me throughout this journey and it's one of my fondest dreams to provide that care and comfort to those who are in need like I was. There are nurses I'll never forget because they were there when I needed someone most in scary medical situations.
Maybe I'll even be an IVF nurse. What a full circle that would be.
So there it is. I've laid one of my dreams bare for the masses. Well, I guess I'm not sure what sort of masses actually read this journal. But, regardless, it's released to the Universe, this dream of mine.
May what is willed be so.